twintluv99

Today may be Tuesday but it feels like Monday!!! So much to do so little time!!! 32 days left and counting!!! I may not have any hair left by the time the wedding comes!! ha ha!!!

Since I missed posting yesterday, got a few jokes for today!!!!

Clean can be funny.     
 
     One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. ‘Tie me up,’ she purred, ‘and you can do anything you want.’  So he tied her up and went golfing. 
                                             
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 A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, ‘Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!’ 
 The husband said, ‘Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?’ ‘Doesn’t matter,’ she said. ‘Just get out.’ 
 
 
 
                                                         
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 Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband. 
                                               
 
 
 
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 A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters  
 
 
    ‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’  ‘Can you read this?’ the optician asked. ‘Read it?’ the Polish guy replied, ‘I know the guy.’ 
 
 
             
 
 
 
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 A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. ‘Careful,’ he said, ‘CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen
 to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!’ The wife stared at him. ‘What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?’ The husband calmly replied, ‘I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.’               
                                 
 
 
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Weekend’s almost here!!! Thank GOD!!! Please pray for all the families here in Texas that will be affected by Hurricane Ike!!! My new, well future in-laws are from Rockport that has been mandatory evacuated that will be coming here to Austin and my sister lives in Houston which they are now saying could get pretty bad!!!! Just prayer for anyone and everyone is what I have been doing!!!!

So here is a hurricane joke!! This is my effort to keep things light, i am already at my maximum stress level with the wedding and everythign else. hope this doesn’t offend anyone!!!!

Office Procedures Concerning Storm and Office Closings

Hurricane Category #5
Velcro will be provided to keep you attached to your chairs when
the windows blow out. For those that survive, we will have chocolate
cake at 3:00 pm in the cafeteria .

Have A Nice Day!SOunds like my job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Four men were at a bar having a drink,after several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.  
Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, ‘My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he’s the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.’

The second guy said, “That’s terrific! My son is also my pride
And joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school
To become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He’s so rich that he gave his best
Friend a brand new jet for his birthday.’

The third man said: ‘Well, that’s terrific! My son studied in the
Best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own
Construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his
Birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.’

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth
Returned from the restroom and asked: ‘What are all the congratulations for?’

One of the three said: ‘We we re talking about the pride we feel for
The success es of our sons. ..What about your son?’

The fourth man replied: ‘My son is gay and makes a living dancing as
A stripper at a nightclub.’

The three friends said: ‘What a shame… What a disappointment.’

The fourth man replied: ‘No, I’m not ashamed. He’s my son and I love him.
And he hasn’t done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 sq uare foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends. 

Hello, sorry I am getting a late start this week and really busy!! The bachelorette went great, had a blast, will be posting some pictures soon!!!!

Subject:  Priceless 

So glad it is Friday!!! Tomorrow is my bachelorette party!!! Will defintily post pictures!!! whoo hooo!!!!

A couple of young children are at day care one day when one of the little girls approaches Tommy and says, “Hey, Tommy, wanna play house?”
“Sure! What do you want me to do?” he asks.
The little girl replies, “I want you to communicate your feelings.”
“Communicate my feelings?” questions a bewildered Tommy. “I have no idea what that means…”
The little girl smirks and says, “Perfect. You can be the husband.”

HA HA!!! HAVE A GREAT DAY AND A WONDERFUL WEEKEND!!!!

Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in
In one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: 

“Want coffee.”

 The waiter says,  “Sure, Chief. Coming right up.” 

  He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.

The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp,

Turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun,

Causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere

And then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns.

He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling

Another male buffalo with the other.

He walks up to the counter and says to

The waiter

“Want coffee.”

The waiter says “Whoa, Tonto!

We’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday.

What was all that about, anyway?”

The Indian smiles and proudly says ..

“Training for position in United States Congress:

Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull,

Leave mess for others to clean up,

Disappear for rest of day.

HA HA!!!!

Whoo hoo the flowergirl dresses we ordered online came in!! I was worried gettignt hem online, but thye were cheap!! but still look great and they fit great!! whoo hoo!!! My little neices just love to pose for the camera, especially the little one!!!

My only concern is depending on how the light hits them, they seem to fluctuate between ivory and white, but they are supposedly ivory, but hwo cares!! They look great in my opinion!!!!

Deep in the back woods of Letcher County Kentucky, a hillbilly’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, ‘Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing!’Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. ‘Whoa there’, said the doctor, ‘Don’t be in such a rush to put that lantern down I think there’s another one coming.’ Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.  ‘Hold that lantern up, don’t set it down there’s another one!’ Said the doctor.Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby. ‘No, don’t be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there’s yet another one coming!’ cried the doctor.  The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, . .

‘You reckon it might be the light that’s attractin’ ‘em?’