twintluv99

Gotta love little Johnny!!! were he my kid he would be getting his little behind torn up!!! but it is still funny!!!!

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, ‘Dad, why are you doing that?’ His father replied, ‘Because when I ‘m buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, ‘Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom .’

Little Johnny’s at it again…… A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, ‘Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!’ After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, ‘Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?’ ‘No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!’ * * * * * * * * * * * Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. ‘Why do you do that, mommy?’ he asked. ‘To make myself beautiful,’ said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. ‘What’s the matter?’ asked Little Johnny. ‘Giving up?’ Yep, I’m really Glad Little Johnny ain’t mine!! * * * * * * * * * * * The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class . She called on him and said, ‘Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?’ Little Johnny quickly replied, ‘NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!’ * ; * * * * * * * * * * Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. ‘Yes,’ said the policeman. ‘The detectives want very badly to capture him.’ Little Johnny asked, ‘Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?‘ * * * * * * * * * * *

HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!!

I never quite understood it as well as I do now!

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.
He further announced that he would now buy at $20.. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
 Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

 The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.
 In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50
The villagers rounded up all of their savings and bought all the monkeys.
 Then they never saw the man nor his assistant again, only monkeys everywhere!

Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works !!

 Have a great day!!!!

 
 
The Country Preacher 
 
 
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. 

“Lord have mercy,” the old preacher disgustedly whispered, 
“He’s gonna run for Congress.” 
 
Have a great weekend!!!!

So as I suspected it would, with the Obama victory there would be alot of racism coming out of the woodwork!! Has our country changed, hell yeah, do we still have a long way to go HELL YEAH!!!

I think alot of it is people look the other way, people think it is fine, but it isn’t. I don’t jsut feel this way as a black woman!!! All racism is wrong. I have alot of friends whom are black and are just as racist against white people. I have dealt with racism form other black people becuase I am not “black” enough for them. One of my co-workers actually told me that he was at his local hang out drinking with buddies, at a VFW of all places they should know better, and they were all just sitting around talking about fried chicken in the white house, and making alot of racist remarks. Now he tells me this and how he was shocked and appauled, but he did and said nothing. But he feels his he is okay becuase he didn’t say anything, he didn’t make the jokes, but the thing is, you didn’t say it was wrong and you laughed along as if it was okay!! Everyone has told a sterotype joke, hell I post blond jokes all the time!! but there is a point where a line is crossed in  my opinion. Another co worker told me the joke about Obama going to heaven and being asked well what did you do, and he said I was the first black president and St. peter asked when did this happen, and he said 15 minutes ago??? Are you serious? I mean come on people!!!

I live in Texas and football is big here!!! These atheletes are treated like royalty. I live in Austin and up until their loss last week UT was ranked number 1!! Now they have kicked a player off the team for posting a blog on his face book bashing Obama, using racial slurs and, and I quote, “calling all hunters to get their guns!!!” That isn;’t the sad part. the sad part is that people are upset becuas ehe was kicked off the team???? They are more concerned with winning football games then their morality and humility!!

Even as the polls were coming, there were several stations when they announced that Obama had won would make comments like this was expected becuase this is a heavily African American populated area. I am black and yes I think it is historic but I contemplated voting for McCain becuase I vote on the issues, not party or race!!!  But at the end of the day, I couldn’t afford to have my health care benifits taxed,a nd didn’t agree with to many of their policies. I disagree with alot of Obama also, but that is what you do. you weigh what is imortant to you and see where you stand, btu I had alot of friends upset with me that I would even consider not voting for him. that we need to stand together and this and that.

I don’t know I have completely lost my train of thought, I am just…… I don’t know…. I guess I am just frustrated!!!!!

–$7 SEX

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist’s office.

The doctor asks, ‘What can I do for you?’

The man says, ‘Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?’

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an
elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the
couple finishes, the doctor says, ‘There’s absolutely nothing wrong
with the way you have intercourse.
‘He thanks them for coming, he
wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.

The next week, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch
again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row.

The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems,
pays the doctor, then leave…

Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, ‘I’m sorry,
but I have to ask.
Just what are you trying to find out?’
The man says, ‘We’re not trying to find out anything.
She’s married and we can’t go to her house.
I’m married and we can’t
go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98.
The Hilton charges $139.
We do it here for $50, and
I get $43 back from Medicare!!!

Gotta love the older folks!!! Have a great day!!!!

I beg of everyone not to shop at Journeys!!! I am an avid shopper at this store but no longer!! The fact that this would even be in their system as an option of choices is beyond me!!!!!

 Watch the video below ot understand what I am talking about!!!

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout, And she turned

to him and said, “I hope I haven’t made you feel ill at ease; it’s just that you look so much like my late son.”

“I know it’s silly, but if you’d call out “Good bye, Mom”

as I leave the store, It would make me feel so happy.”

She then went through the checkout, And as she was on

her way out of the store, The man called out, “Goodbye, Mom.”

The clerk replied, “Yeah, but your Mother said
You’d be paying for her things, too.”

Don’t trust little Old Ladies!!!

HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!!
             

Not trying to force religion or anything on anyone, but I jsut thought this joke was cute!!!!! 

Jesus versus Satan

This is one of the best clean jokes I’ve seen in awhile!

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer.

They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, ‘THAT’S IT! I have had enough.
I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those
results, I will judge who does the better job.’

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was
faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning
suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.

    Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.

            Jesus just sighed.
                 Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them  
     restarted their computers. 

Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
It’s gone! It’s all GONE! ‘I lost everything when the power
went out!’

‘Wait!’ he screamed. ‘That’s not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don’t have any?’

         God just shrugged and said, 

‘JESUS SAVES’

Here are some of the pictures from the photographer!!!

Getting into my dress!!! Corsett back looked great but was a pain in the butt to get into!!!!:

Leaving the salon and spa headed for the church:

Walking to the church and waiting to begin!!:

Walkign down the aisle, yes we are all babies, I cried, Kris cried, my dad cried!!!:

The ceremony:

Formal portraits:

The reception:

After a really embarrassing toast form one of my lifelong freinds:

The cake topper my grandmothe rmade for us looked so good on the cake!!!

There were so many pictures I loved, it was hard to choose which ones to post!!!

Since I jsut got married I am still in that love state of mind, so I thought this was a great reminder to start the week!!! Kinda long but worth it!!!