twintluv99

Sorry no joke yesterday I was swamped with work all day!!!!!!!!!!!!

Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. That night all three will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes.

After a few days they meet up for lunch.

The engaged woman: The other night when my boyfriend came over, he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, “You are the woman of my life. I love you.” Then we made love all night long.

The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

The married woman: I sent the kids to stay at my mother’s house for the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said,
“What’s for dinner, Batman?”

I think I have posted this one before btu I jsut think it is hilarious, especially since I will be transferring from hot sexy girlfriend to wifey!! let see if it changes things for us, i guess only time will tell!!!!!

 A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.
After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and
said, “If you don’t do the following, your husband will
surely die”.

  1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send
    him off to work in a good mood.

  2.At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and
    put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back
    to work.

  3.For dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don’t
    burden him with household chores.

  4.Have sex with him several times a week and satisfy
    his every whim.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor
had told her.

“You’re going to die,” she replied.

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, ‘What a Great Chest you have!’              
 
  
   HE tells her, ‘That’s 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.’ 
     

  
               
  
    
He takes off his pants and the blonde says, ‘What massive calves you have!’                  
 
  
                      
 
The body builder tells her, ‘That’s 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby..’
 

 

He then removes his underwear, and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear.

 

 
The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.              
 
  
      

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The blonde replies, ‘I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!’

So I went to my appointment last night and was all ready for highlights!!! She was originally goign to give me ones that were not permanent btu she decided she wanted to try another route with me, so she bonded individual strands of human hair that was colored with my hair! You can’t even tell and it is so subtle!!! Plus it can be removed and changed at any time and lasts for up to 4 months!!! Whoo hoo jsut in time to come out for the wedding since i am not having highlights for the wedding. The only complaint I have is I don’t think she put enough in. I mean it looks really nice but just not dramatic as I was hoping. Let me know what you think!!!

I was laughing!!! ha ha!!!

 Whoo hoo excited, i will be getting my highlights today!!! Can’t wait!!! Of course I will post pictures tommorrow!!!

SO I figure since I am gettign my hair done the onlyt hing to post today is hair disasters!!!

Okay well maybe not a hair salon disaster but still funny!!!!!!!!!!

And of course who could forget this major hair disaster!!!

I am sure that is all style and high fashion btu jsut looks crazy to me!!!

And now my favorite the ghetto hair awards!!!

3rd place!!!

 

The cut really isn’t that bad, but the colors, well let’s just say that is not how I will be having my hair highlighted this evening!!!

2nd Place!!!

 And the 1st Place, Grand Prize winners are!!!!

 WOW !!! is all i can say!!!

And in honor of my up and coming nuptuals!!! I thought some wedding jokes were in order!!!

So Kris, my prince, my hero, my night in shining armour finally told em what he had been working on for like a month!!! He got us an officiant!! That was my last big major stress and turns out it is his childhood Reverend!! he did his grandfather’s and his mother’s funeral so he is delighted to finally do soemthing joyous for the family!!! AND HE IS NOT CHARGING US!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I can start actually enjoying this now!! Things are coming together, I know Angela, you told me they would!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Picked up my wedding dress Friday, church is booked, country club is booked for the reception, most (yeah still some straglers!!!) of my girls have their dresses ordered, the transportation is booked, the honeymoon is all boooked, pretty much the major stuff is done!! Now I jsut have to work ont he small details!!! Speaking of, we are meetign with the Reverend on Thursday of next week and I need some opinions. i know it is alot of reading but it took me a while to edit and add and basically tweek it to us personallym, btu I think I am done witht he ceremony. Is it presumpuos of me to write the ceremony. I jsut wanted to make sure it was catered to us. kris told his guy that I had doen it and he said he didn’t ahve a problem and we would go over it when we met with him, but I jsut wante dot get you guy’s opinion as well. Sorry it is so much reading!! I kwno it looks long but I ahve timed it out, yeah as if it were happening, and the whole thing can be done in under 20 minuted!!!! let me kwno what you think!!! Thanks

Outline of Wedding Ceremony Options *what we are considering* 

Processional w/ Unity Candle Ceremony combined

Welcoming

Foundation

Spiritual
Reading

The Hands Ceremony

The Questions w/Ring Ceremony Combined

Vows

Minister’s Blessing

Pronouncement

Benediction

Conclusion

Recessional

 

 

Sample Wedding Ceremony 

Processional & w/ Unity Candle Ceremony(6:00) - the bride and the wedding party walk up the aisle to the altar, accompanied by music

Unity Candle Lighting Ceremony

            Within each human being burns the spark of the Divine.  When two people love one another with devotion and freedom, they kindle the awareness of that spark in each other as nothing else quite can do. The lighted candle is symbolic of the cosmic creation and the light and truth in the human heart, mind and soul.  Fire also symbolizes both purity and passion.  For many, the flame means the security of home and family, the warmth of the hearth.   

Take into your beings the warmth, radiance and light that the divine flame represents.  Let it light your way on the journey of life that you are about to embark on.

 

            In committing to one another today, in the spirit of being born new to one another, you kindle each other’s divine light and promise always to see that light in one another-to nurture and tend that divine flame in your partner as best you can each day-especially at the times it may be hardest to see, and the times your partner may doubt or forget the existence of that light within him-or herself.

.          

            Toni, take this candle now as a symbol of yourself and your family.

           

           
Kris, take this candle now as a symbol of yourself and your family.

 

            If at this time you wish to affirm your free choice to unite as partners in marriage, please light the unlit candle together now. (They light unlit candle together) As you bring your individual flames together to symbolically form the new and greater flame of your marriage, never forget that the light of your union is made up of your unique, individual expressions of light and is continually sustained and renewed by your connection to each other as well as your individuality and families. 

            The candle you lit together symbolizes your marriage, your willingness to surrender to something greater than yourselves. May the light of your marriage, Toni and
Kris, be a beacon in the night, a safe harbor from the storms of life. May your future be made infinitely brighter by the light and the love that you share.

 

Welcoming (0:30)

          Good evening. It is truly a blessing from heaven for two people to find one another and to love so deeply that they embrace the holy bond of marriage. We gather here today to witness and celebrate an act of deep love. Toni and
Kris, in their devotion, respect, and love for each other wish to unite in the holy bond of marriage, and to dedicate themselves to each other’s happiness and well?being as life mates and partners.  On behalf of them, I welcome you all.

 

Although this is their day, it is also a tribute to all of you. For knowing you and interacting with you has helped to make our Bride and Groom who they needed to be to find each other. They would like to thank you all for that. All of you are the threads of which are woven the tapestry of their lives. Each one of you is an important piece in the story it tells. It is the fabric that they wrap around themselves and take comfort in when the world seems cold. And on days like today when everything is right in their world, that tapestry is proudly spread out and displayed for everyone to see, with all the glorious colors and textures that your diversity adds. You all hold a place in their hearts reserved for those that they have chosen to call ‘Family’ and “Friends” and they are deeply grateful for each and every one of you here today

Foundation (1:50)

            Marriage is the beginning of a new life, a chance at fulfilling long?held dreams, and an opportunity for great personal and spiritual growth. Marriage endures through the ages of trends and fads. Marriage thrives, and continues to live as a promise of a beautiful dream come true. As long as individuals are drawn together by God, marriage will be a natural unfolding of that relationship.

 

             Feelings come alive at a wedding. Great happiness. Some sadness. Apprehension. And sometimes pure relief!. There is an acute awareness that something special, something that goes to the very heart of life, is about to happen. Something is gone forever, and something is born, brand?new and tender. Something to be nurtured and cared for, protected and cherished, challenged and strengthened??your never?before?created marriage.

 

             Each of you brings gifts to the other today. Gifts of hope and laughter, focus and seriousness of purpose. Sensitivity and recognition of the beautiful and the profound. Since childhood, you have searched for and dreamed about that special someone who would embody and express the gifts you now stand ready to give and to receive. But these gifts are not to be yours alone. A strong and resilient marriage is not an escape from the world but a contribution to it. Toni and
Kris, may you now combine and strengthen your gifts, to be offered as a distinct and beautiful gift to the world. For the world is in need of the beautiful, the good and the holy and nothing is better suited to evoke that than a good marriage.

 

                        No ceremony can create your marriage. Only you can do that?through love, patience, dedication, perseverance?through talking and listening and trying to understand?through helping and supporting and believing in each other?through learning to forgive, learning to respect and

appreciate your differences, and learning to make the important things matter and to let go of the rest. What this ceremony can do is to witness and affirm the choice you have made to begin a new life today as husband and wife.

 

 

Scripture Reading (1:00) 

At this time
Martha Arispe will honor us with a scripture reading, in hopes of providing a blessing and spiritual guidance for this marriage and for
Kris and Toni. 

The Hands Ceremony (1:30)

            Toni and
Kris, Please face each other and take each other’s hands, so that you may see the gift that they are to you.

These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow and forever. 

            These are the hands that will work along side yours as together you build your future. 

            These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch will comfort you like no other.

            These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief temporarily comes your way. 

            These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes, tears of sorrow and tears of joy.

            These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children.

These are the hands that will give you support and encouragement to chase down your dreams.

These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times.

These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it.

These are the hands that will lift your chin and brush your cheek as they raise your face to look into eyes that are filled with overwhelming love for you.

            And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.

 

Questions/Ring Ceremony Combined (2:15) 

Do you have your rings? (They respond, “Yes”) 

            The circle has long been a symbol of God. Without beginning or end and with no point of weakness, the circle is a reminder of the eternal quality of God and of unending strength. Let the seamless circle of these rings become the symbol of your endless love. Your wedding rings are most special because they say that even in your uniqueness you have chosen to be bonded, to allow the presence of another human being to enhance who you are.  Your rings carry a potent double message: We are individuals and yet we belong; we are not alone.  As you wear them through time, they will reflect not only who you are but also the glorious union that you are now creating.

 

            God, bless these rings and the two who exchange them. Fill them with your Holy

Presence.  Keep them safe in the circle of Your protection and love.

 

           
Kris, as you place this ring on Toni, I now ask you: Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?  Do you promise God, Toni and all of us here that from this point forward, your arms may be her shelter and your heart may be her guide? Do you promise to support her and nourish her and to love and respect and honor her for the rest of your days on earth? 

 

            Toni, as you place this ring on
Kris, I now ask you: Do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband?  Do you promise God,
Kris and all of us here that from this point forward, your arms may be his shelter and your heart may be his guide? Do you promise to support him and nourish him and to love and respect and honor him for the rest of your days on earth? 

 

Vows (3:00)

Toni and
Kris, having thus committed themselves, now wish to declare their love for one another in words that they have written.

 

 

Minister’s Blessing (0:30)Toni and
Kris, you now have the opportunity for expressing through your union and partnership, God’s glory, love and healing. How could this be? Through devotion and service to each other. Through patience, kindness, total acceptance of each other, tempered by the willingness to change. You will be tempted, as time goes by, to take for granted the love which today seems so precious and dear, to speak to and treat each other in ways that do not reflect the highest good in both of you. Resist it.  Promise to always see the goodness in your partner, even when it’s especially difficult. God will provide you the way, if you are willing. He is the key to your success as a married couple. Call on Him devotedly and consistently to guide your thinking and bless your home. May this marriage be to you a heavenly sanctuary. God bless you.  

 

Pronouncement (0:30)

            Toni and
Kris, in the presence of God, your family and friends today, you have spoken the words and performed the rites which unite your lives.  It is my legal right as a minister and my greatest joy and privilege to declare you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride. “As kisses are messengers of love, please kiss now and let soul meet soul on each other’s lips.”

You may now kiss the bride.

 

 

Benediction (0:30)

The two of you are now joined in one unbroken circle. Wherever you go, may you always return to one another in your togetherness. May you two find in each other the love for which all men and women long. May you grow in understanding and in compassion. May the home that you establish be such a place of sanctuary that all who visit will find there a friend. And may the Lord bless you and keep you forevermore. Amen.

 

Conclusion (0:15)

And now, ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to present to you for the first time, Mr. and Mrs.
Kristopher Watters!

 

Recessional

The End (or more truthfully, The Beginning!)

           

HOPE YOU LIKED IT!!!!!

Italian boy’s Confession 

 

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl”.

 

The priest asks, “Is that you, little Joey Parisi?

 

“Yes, Father, it is.”

 

“And who was the girl you were with?”

 

“I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”

 

Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as

 

well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?

 

“I cannot say.

 

“Was it Teresa Volpe?

 

“I’ll never tell.

 

“Was it Nina Capelli?

 

“I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.

 

“Was it Cathy Piriano?

 

“My lips are sealed.

 

“Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?

 

“Please, Father, I cannot tell you.

 

The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight lipped, Joey Parisi, and

 

I

 admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar

 

boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.”

 

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,

 

“What’d you get?”

 

“4 months vacation and five good leads”

Whoo hoo the weekend is finally here!!!

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, ‘Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?’

‘Reading a book,’ she replies, (thinking, ‘Isn’t that obvious?’)
You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,’ he informs her.

‘I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading.’
Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.’

‘If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,’says the woman.

‘But I haven’t even touched you,’ says the Game Warden.

‘That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.’

‘Have a nice day ma’am,’ and he left.

MORAL:
Never argue with a woman who reads.
It’s likely she can also think.

So I just read a blog that I really felt was exactly how I was feeling, thanks Jo!! She was expressing how she was going to be on here a little less and basically becuase the diet and exercise was taking over her life, and I understand exactly what she means!!

I had a “fed up” moment not to long ago myself. I didn’t really blog about it before becuase well I don’t really know, but once I read her blog and it touched me, I felt I kinda owed it to ummm well I don’t know, but I wanted to write a blog, she inspired me!!! After the cake tasting for my wedding cake, I felt horrible. I felt like I had given into temptation and that I had cheated and blah blah blah!! And it is my wedding, I should be enjoying this time, at least times like cake tastings because there has been alot of drama!!!

  Maybe my new attitude is an excuse or quitting or takign the easy way out, which is sure I will get at least one coment or one email, because let’s face it, I love this site, but there are quite a few cowards on here, they won’t comment on a blog for all to see when they belittle you or put you down, they will just send you an email so nobody else will know the kind of things they are saying, but anyways.

My point is this, I started this to get healthy and live a longer happier life, but what about now? I know that alot of times things have to be broken down to be rebuilt, but over a year into this and over 100pounds down, I fear have I traded one addiction to another. Well maybe not exactly traded and addiction for another, but I guess my question is this: IS MY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD ANY BETTER THAN BEFORE???

I fear the answer is no!! Becuase now instead of food being my best friend and greatest comfort, food is now this predator that stalkes me and keeps me in fear!!! prime example, last night I got lazy and didn’t stop by the grocery store like I was supposed to, so I didn’t really have anything healthy in the house for dinner. Kris is working mostly nights now so he isn’t around in the evenings really anymore. So after goign thru the cabinettes and looking thru the fridge all I could pretty much find was frozen pizza or some leftover fried catfish Kris brought home from work and neither of these worked for me! Not healthy eating at least, so you knwo what i did………………..nothing! I went to bed hungry!!! I know I knwo shame on me, but I just feel like I have become so obsessed that now it is almost out of control. I am trying to find the balance between healthy and normal (wahtever that is, normality has never been a strong suit of mine!!!) becuase whether it is overeating or not eating, neither is healthy!! I can’t be afraid to eat!!! That is just ridiculous so I am working on finding a better balance. I will definitly let you guys know what I can figure out.

Wish me luck, and of course any suggestions are always welcome. Thanks