twintluv99

I figure since my wedding day is coming sooner and sooner each day, I might be doing marriage jokes alot!!!!!!!!!!

How bout this for your wedding cake!!!!!!!!!

and the winner is……………

If only this were true!!!!!!!!

So I have a really good friend whom is pregnant and jsut in a bad situation! She got into it with her mother and now has no place to go so of course she comes to me, as pretty much everyone I know does!!!!!!!! I mena don’t get me wrong, i love my friends and i love to help but I feel like my whole life is just been taking care of people and helping people out,a nd when push comes to shove the one time in my life I can remmeber really needing someone, anyone jsut ot show they cared and help me, nobody was to be found!!!!!!!!!! Plus not to mention the fact that there has not been a single time that I ahev helped someone and not been royally screwed over!!!!!!! hence the head banging. i am a firm believer that the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result, yet I keep doing it.

She is my friend and I love her so of course she knows I jsut got a house with an 2 extra bedrooms so surprise, my friend is moving in with us!!!!!! I guess maybe I am hoping this post will kinda change things or soemthign and maybe just this once I won’t get screwed over, but I guess only time will tell. It is jsut really bad timing, hell I am trying to plan and pay for a wedding, jsut got a huge pay cut due to downsizing at work and the fact that they sold off the Engineering company that was like 80% of my job, luckily I ddin’t loose 80% of my pay!!!!!! it is jsut a really bad time, she doesn’t work,a nd honestly hasn’t for like the last year at leaast and I just don’t see hwo this can possible work. our electric bill is $250 a month and tha tis with us being gone. She already stayed with me for the weekend and took 2 showers blowdrying her hair afterwards for an hour each time. I am sorry i knwo I am jsut bitchign and moaning and I could have said no, but it jsut isn’t me. What am I supposed ot do have my pregnant friend out there homeless. hell i don’t even want children… okay you knwo i am jsut goign to shut up becuase it is jsut going to start pissing me off that I don’t have the balls to say no and risk loosing a friend. oh but I am risking my finances and my home not to mentiont hat I ahev some serious trust issues and now there will be a woman in my house WITH MY MAN all day while I am not around (Kris works nights!)

I am jsut praying I don’t get screwed!!!!!!!!!

This is definitly how I feel!!!!!! i am sooo ready to jsut get away for the weekend and celebrate my bday. if there is one thing I know for sure, it is that this crap will be here waiting for me when I get back!!!!!!!!!!!! And great news, Josie, she was a buddyslimer, I never really see her on here anymore but we have stayed in touch, is meeting us in New Orleans!!!!!!!!! She lives about 45 minutes away, so i am super excited!!!!!!!!!!

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in
Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as
either masculine or feminine.

‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la casa.’
‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’

A student asked, ‘What gender is ‘computer’?’

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the
class into two groups, male and female, and asked them
to decide for themselves whether ‘computer’ should be
a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked
to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men’s group decided that ‘computer’ should
definitely be of the feminine gender (’la
computadora¢) because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal
logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with
other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term
memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find
yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories
for it.

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers
should be Masculine (’el computador’) because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to
turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for
themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but
half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit yourself to one, you
realize that if you had waited a little longer, you
could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. “You know what?” says the 6 year old. “I think it’s about time we started cussing.”  The 4 year old nods his head in approval.  The
 6 year old continues, “When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass.”  The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. When the mother walks
into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, “Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.”
 
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in  his room and shouts, “You can stay there until I let you out!”
 
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, “And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?”  I don’t know, he blubbers, “but you can bet your fat ass it won’t be Cheerios!”

Yeah I am totally stressing!! Still haven’t been able to find a new reception site. All the places i can afford are already booked!!!! ARGHHHHHH, umm yeah come to my wedding from all these different states, but oh yeah sorry no reception!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHH Pray for me to find a good spot soon please!!! Time is ticking away for me, and I still ahve sooooo much to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I feel it is only fitting that my joke be wedding related this morning!!!

and the winner is………….

HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!

Since Easter is coming, I thought we should ahve some Easter funnies!!!!!!!!!

EVEN female eggs are catty!!!!!!!!!!!

And the winner is………………..

My bday is on Easter this year, but I will be in New Orleans celebrating my bday that weekend with my honey so I figured I would send my Easter wishes out early!!!!!!!!!

I thought billboards were supposed to make you want to get the stuff!!!!!!!!

AND THE WINNER IS……………………..

HAVE FUN TODAY!!!

Democracy well defined.

Democracy best explained by children

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, ‘What is Politics?’

Dad says, ‘Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money,

So we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs,

So we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.’

So the little boy goes off to bed

Thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying,

So he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent’s room

And finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and
Sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say’s to his father,
‘Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.’

The father says, ‘Good, son, tell me in your own words
What you think politics is all about.’

The little boy replies, ‘The President is screwing the
Working Class while the Government is sound asleep.
The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit

Gotta love children!!!!!!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!

 Citizens vs. Congress 

Subject: FW: The Free Haircut

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’
The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’
The professor is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen different books, such as ‘How to Improve Your Business’ and ‘Becoming More Successful’.
Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you.
I’m doing community service this week.’
The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the members of our Congress. Vote carefully this year.

ARGHHHHHH!!!

So, my venue is no longer available for my reception!!! ARGHHHHHH

I guess i have been lucky becuase everything has been going relatively smooth, but the recreation hall we had was soooo perfect!!!

So I am on a crazy hunt to find another place. And not to mention the price was the cheapest I was gonna find anywhere!! But you knwo, Kris says what is done is done, move past it, so now I am busy trying to find a place!!

Hey come miles and from different states for most to s wedding with no reception!!! ARGHHHHHH