twintluv99

and last but not least!!

Okay so I missed yesterday so i ahev to be extra funny today, I guess!!! Here goes!!!

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a  shot of whisky, they talk about their  moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a  nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins  to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is  in real distress.  One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, “Kin ya  swallar?”

The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, “Kin ya breathe?” The woman begins  to turn blue and shakes her head no. The  hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek  a lick with his tongue. The woman is so  shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her  mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar. His partner says, “Ya know, I’d heerd of that  there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’
but I ain’t  niver seed nobody do it!”

okay okay maybe not that funny, let me try again!!!

Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said

There was a really great blog started about our inner obstacles, brought on by the pink team’s endearing moments on Tuesday’s Biggest loser and it really got me to thinking. Thinking about the weight and my relationship to food and thinking about what Alli was saying. I feel her completely on the whole if you have the weight than it is a convenient excuse if someone hurts you or leaves you as to why they did it. But for me I feel it goes even deeper. It is one thing to tell yourself the weight will protect you or say you are using it as an excuse, but what do you do when it really is the reason??? What do you do when you have people in your life who flat out tell you “You could be so pretty is you lost the weight!” or “Who is going to want you at your size?”. I mean I was raised by a military father. I am not blaming him he did the best he could,better than his parents did by him, but he made no secret of the fact that fat was not okay. Not only was it not okay but it was just harped on and harped on. I feel like when you have so much negativity rained down on you, you can react one of 3 ways. You can either take it all on yourself and feel bad about yourself and be depressed, you can know better than to believe some bs even if it is your own father saying it (which I wish i had done!!!), and either get in shape or not care, or you can (the method I used) become so gaurded and fake you don’t even know what is real anymore. I have spent my whole life as strong and confident. And guess what, i wish i was half as strong as I appear, and I would take a quarter of the confidence I show!! I mean don’t get me wrong, i don’t beat myself up or anythign like that, but it is so hard when you have put on a happy face for so long to just let it go. To just honestly be yourself, happy sometimes and sad sometimes too!

I guess it really hit me this weekend when I was with my mom and my sister and we were talking about my moodiness and stuff and they we both saying how hard I was to deal with and how they felt the had suffered becuase of my unhappiness. Like they didn’t get to enjoy a relationship with me. (I have changed alot over the cours eof the last few years. it has been a real awakening for me since my favorite uncle passed away. he was actually my great uncle so more like a grandfather, but he was one of the few peopel who I felt really loved me, like deep down!! just as I was, flaws and all. I was special to him and he was one of the first people to give me those kinds of feelings. True love not becuase you are supposed to becuase you are family!! Whne he passed away I just felt liek what am I doing with my life. I am miserable and for what???) And I can’t deny the fact that I did kinda have a me against the world attitude, but honestly it was becuase that is the way it has always been. My parents divorced when I was young, my sister was pretty much forced to be grown(we are 6 years apart) and gone away to college, and my brother was just out running the streets. My mom and I are very close, but not really in that mother daughter way, more in the best of friends way. I love my mom and she and my sister are my best friends int he entire world, but sometimes once you get something in your head it is just stuck!!! I have always felt alone, always felt like I can’t count on anyone but myself, becuase that is the way it has always been. I just never realized that it showed like they said. I always thought it was better to be too tough than weak. I have finally realized that what I feel is what I feel and the past is the past and I can’t change the past, but I can change my future. I don’t have to be unhappy! That is up to me. I have a friend who is getting divorced and was all concerned with staying friends with her ex, but wants to move on with her life. Well, my question to her (as well as to myself) was: How can you have a future when your past is in your present? I know it is cliche’ but it IS true.

So over the next months, not only am I going to drop this weight, but I am also going to drop this baggage!!!!! Wish me luck!!

So I have found a gym to replace my beloved Clay Madsen!!! I went to a bunch of gyms but it is hard to find a gym like we had. We had a couple membership for $20 bucks a month!! It was amazing, I had my weight machines, treadmill, elliptical and my indoor pool. So, I hadn’t found one, and then I remebered my office park has a gym, so I went down this morning (already brought my bag packed for a workout after work if I liked it) to check it out and it is awesome!!!! I am so excited!!! it has a bunch of machines and treadmills and anything you would find in any 24 Hour Fitness or Bally’s!! I am so excited for my workout tonight!!!! I am here at work wishing it were 5pm already!!!! so I can go work out!!!! I’ll let you guys know how it goes!!!!

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up…

So I lost 4 pounds this week. Less than I was expecting since I kicked it up and revamped my workout, btu hey I will take it!!!!!

So, I was watching a bunch of the National Body Challenge epsiodes this weekend and they were speaking about how partners, especially when you live together, affect your weight loss success and I really think they are correct. I mean when I first started kris was all at the gym with me, dieting with me (not that he needed to loose weight) but he wanted to get his 6-pack back and tone up. Well that lasted about 4 months then he stopped going to the gym with me completely and just doesn’t really do much of anything. I tease him because he likes to stick his stomach out at me and no lie, it looks like he is carrying our baby!! And not just carrying btu about to deliver soon!!! HA HA, so I made a deal with him. He loves loves loves Vegas, which is why our wedding theme is Vegas, so I agreed that if he will stay active with me and keep me motivated and train me (he is a black belt, and I really want to start Krav Mega!!!) and aid in my loosing 40 pounds by April, then we will go to Vegas to celebrate!!! So now he is all super pumped and gun ho, so hopefully with his added help, I will get this 40 off in no time!!! WHOOO HOOOO!!!

So 4 down, 36 to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Had such a great weekend!!!! Went to the bridal expo with my mom, Pam, and 2 of my friends and we had such a great time and guess what………………………….. I won!!!!!!!!!!! whoo hooo!!! I won a spa day for 5!!! We are gonna go and get pampered!!!! WHOOO HOOOO!!! I kwno ti was becuase they were all with me and brought their good luck, becuase when it comes to things of chance, no not me, don’t usually win!!!!

Here are some pictures!!!

For a laugh!!!!

IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, ‘Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, ‘NO, it’s not.’ Four is larger than two..’       
We haven’t used Sears repair since.

 
IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, ‘you gave me too much money.’ I said, ‘Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.’  She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said ‘We’re sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.’ The clerk then proceeded to give me back$1 and 75 cents in change.  
 
Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s.

  
IDIOT SIGHTING :
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!   I don’t think this is a good place for  them to be crossing anymore. ‘

From Kingman , KS

 

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco
Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for ‘mini mal lettuce.’ He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.

  

IDIOT SIGHTING :
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, ‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’ To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’ He smiled knowingly and nodded,
‘That’s why we ask.’

Happened in
Birmingham , Ala.

  

IDIOT SIGHTING :
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.. Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving?!’

She was a probation officer in
Wichita , KS

IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to ‘downsizing.’ Our manager commented cheerfully, ‘This is fun. We should do this more often.’ Not another word was spoken.. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in -the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at
Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.

Dallas
County Sheriffs office, no less.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the serv ice department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. ‘Hey,’ I announced to the technician, ‘its open!’ His reply, ‘I know. I already got that side.’

This was at the Ford dealership in
Canton , Mississippi

STAY ALERT!
They walk among us… and the scary part is that they VOTE and they REPRODUCE !

HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!

Got the bridal show this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOOO HOOO!!!!!

GRANDMA’S BIRTH CONTROL
       
        A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for
most of her life
        finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor
told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed
for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew
wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills.
       
        “Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL
pills?” 
       
        “Yes, they help me sleep at night.”
        
        “Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in
these that could possibly help you sleep!”
       
        She reached out and patted the young Doctor’s knee.
“Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one  up and mix it
in the glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old granddaughter drinks .
.. . And believe me, it helps me sleep at night.” 
       
        You gotta love Grandmas!!!

So yep, went out to eat with my fiance’ for dinner last night!!!  You always dread going out to eat!!!!!!!!!! There is always soooo much temptation, well at least for me there is!!!! I love dessert!!!!!!!!!!!

But I was very good and even he commented on how commited I was!!! We went to Bennigans and let me tell you, right smack dab in the middle of the menu is a big card with their new dessert, it was a brownie, inside a twinkie, inside a Zinger, wrapped in a crisp shella dn deep fried!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG I almost dies, alot of my favorites all rolled up in one and deep fried!!! it doesn’t get any better than that!!! Ha ha, but I did not order it. No way no how, man I could not eat for liek 3 days and still not have enough calories to cover a meal like that!!! But it was niceto look at!!!

So, I had a hamburger patty (no bun!!!!! low carb of course!!!) and substituted a side salad for the fried. To drink, as my fiance’ was sucking down margaritas like it was his last chance to ever have one!!!!, I had my usually, water with extra lemon. I am a die hard water drinker and swear by it!! It is just about all I drink!!!!

You know I hate to have to even admit it but it really is hard, I mean I watch Kris eat any and everything, look around and see the women ordering nachos and cheese sticks, then get dessert when they are done, and I do feel the slightest bit of envy. It is like it isn’t fair, why do I have to be fat, btu the thing is, let’s be real, I had 26 years of eating all that crap,a dn eating alot of it, whenever I wanted it. kris and I didn’t think twice about jumoing int he car at 3:00am on a Friday or Saturday night, and hitting up a Taco cabana or Whataburger. Really no excuse for that kind of heavy eating, that late at night. But that is all behind me now. I really shouldn’t be complaining, there are situations way worse that I could be in, and HAVE been in, than having to not order nachos or dessert. So just whinnign a little because I knwo you guys will understand. i guess it is kinda luck of the draw. i had a friend in highschool who could eat like a horse and never weighed over 100 pounds, but I wouldn’t have traded with her, I may not be able to eat whatever and still be skinny, btu guess what, I never studied really in highschool and still managed to graduate Magna Cum Laude int he top 1% of my calss, and for her, well let’s just leave it at I tutored her and finally she was able to graduate after passing the TAAS test (test here in Texas you ahev to pass to graduate highschool) on her 4th try!! So I guess my point was just that some things come easier to some than other, but we all have our strengths and weaknesses, so I am not giving up, giving in, or feeling resentful ANYMORE!!!!

So…………………., I made it thru my first dinning out experience since my NEW ATTITUDE!!! WHOOO HOOOO  Hope all are doing well, talk to you guys later.

 For my ladies!!!!!!!!!