So the site I use to get all my cute little pictures is down for maintenance,s o sorry, no pictures today, but I still got jokes!!!!!
STAMPS!!!
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, “May I have 50 Christmas stamps?”
The clerk says, “What denomination?”
The blonde says, “God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.”
GOOD EARS!
A young man moved into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to
put his name on his mailbox.
While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the
mailboxes, wearing a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had
nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye
contact After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said,
“Let’s go to my apartment,….. I hear someone coming.”
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against
it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now nude, she purred at him, “What would you say is my best feature?”
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, “It’s got to be your ears.”
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, “My ears? Look at these breasts;
they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and
solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere. How can you think that the
best part of my body is my ears?”
Clearing his throat, he stammered …. “Outside, when you said you heard
someone coming…. that was me.”
LAWYERS APPARENTLY AREN’T AS SMART AS THEY THINK!!!
He thinks he’s smarter than the deputy because he’s a NY lawyer and certain
he had a better education then a cop from TX so decided to prove it to
himself and have some fun at the deputy’s expense.
Deputy: “License and registration, please.”
Lawyer: “What for?”
Deputy: “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”
Lawyer: “I slowed down, no one was coming.”
Deputy “You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration,
please.”
Lawyer “What’s the difference?”
Deputy “The difference is, you have to come to complete stop, it’s the
law. License and registration!”
Lawyer “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop,
I’ll give you my license and registration, and you give me a ticket.
If not you let me go and don’t give me a ticket.”
Deputy: “Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle.”
HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!
The deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the crap out of the
lawyer and says “Want me to stop? Or just slow down?”
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