twintluv99

Subject:
Texas

Dear
Texas Diary:
I Just moved to
Texas!
Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is beautiful. I’ve finally found my home. I love it here.

Guess it takes a Texan to handle it !!!!!!

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, “Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?”

The little boy replied, “Yeah, she’s in the bedroom bangin’ her boyfriend.” The minister fainted. Now, that’s funny… I don’t care WHO you are.

Thanks to my email buddies:

    I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

    I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program

 I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

  I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

 I no longer drink Coca Cola because I’ve learned that it can remove toilet stains.

   I no longer buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m pumping gas.

  I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

  I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

 Thanks to my many internet friends, I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

        Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late. .

So I out alot of blonde jokes up, but it is all in good fun, so I thought I would do a post just to show some love to all the BUDDY SLIM BLONDES!!!!!!!!!!

BLONDE LOGIC

Two blondes living in
Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away…
Florida or the moon?”

 The other blonde turns and says “Helloooooooooo, can you see
Florida ?????”

 CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.

 After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

 She says, “What ‘ s the story?”

 He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor”

 She asks, “How often do I have to do that?”

 SPEEDING TICKET

 A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

 She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”

 RIVER WALK

 There ‘ s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. “Yoo-hoo!” she shouts, “How can I get to the other side?”

 The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, “You ARE on the other side.”

 AT THE DOCTOR ‘ S OFFICE

 A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor ‘ s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

 “Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”

 The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;

 likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

 The doctor said, “You ‘ re not really a redhead, are you?

 “Well, no” she said, “I ‘ m actually a blonde.”

 “I thought so,” the doctor said. “Your finger is broken.”

 KNITTING

 A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

 Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “PULL OVER!”

 “NO!” the blonde yelled back, “IT ‘ S A SCARF!”

 BLONDE ON THE SUN

 A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, “We were the first in space!”

 The American said, “We were the first on the moon!”

 The Blonde said, “So what? We ‘ re going to be the first on the sun!”

 The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You can ‘ t land on the sun, you idiot! You ‘ ll burn up!” said the Russian.

 To which the Blonde replied, “We ‘ re not stupid, you know. We ‘ re going at night!”

 IN A VACUUM

 A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”

 She thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”

 FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

 A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named

 Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”

 “HELLLOOOOOOO……,” answered the blond. “They ‘ re watch dogs!”

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST!!!!

So, I met josie this weekend in Lake charles, and let me tell you guys, her pictures do not do her justice!!!! She is an absolute beauty!!!!!!!!!!!! And she is sooo much fun!!! We had a really great time, though I did not win!! I am just going to tell myself that I just got my loosing out of the way before our Vegas trip in October!!!  Just wanted to send a post to let you guys know that we met,a dn had a great time. Will post pictures once I get them!!!

P.S. Angela, we tried to call you when we were together, but i think you were still out of town. Miss you, can’t wait to meet you too!!!! VEGAS HERE WE COME!!!!!

I HAVE A SERIOUS CASE OF MONDAYS!!!!!!!!

 For his birthday, little Joe asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.” The next day the father saw little Joe heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, “Son, where are you going?” Little Joe told him; “I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was  coming too. And I’ll be damned if I’m staying here by myself with a $280,000  mortgage & no bike.

You…
   

 
……have a GREAT Day!!! Life is short!  Break the rules!  
Forgive quickly!  Kiss slowly!
Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably..
And never regret anything that made you smile.

A Horse, A Chicken & A Harley
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.
Running around, the chicken spied the farmer’s new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend’s life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley; and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer’s bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies. Best Pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit; and soon he, too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing, and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story?

(Yep, you bet there IS a moral!)

“When You’re Hung Like A Horse, You Don’t Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks”